For why you shouldn't get a tattoo of a foreign language, white guy!

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... nothing to see, move along.

This video was taken outside a town hall meeting in a predominantly Republican area. I have no commentary.

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Well, I'm glad we're not even trying to hide how damn racist we are.

"The Topeka Capitol-Journal reports that freshman Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-KS) told a town hall meeting a week ago that the GOP still had to find a "great white hope.""

For those of you not horribly offended, consider the origins of the phrase 'the great white hope':

This was originally a nickname given to James Jeffries, a white boxer defeated by the first black heavyweight champion, Jack Johnson, in 1910.

But of course, some people find nothing offensive about this. A spokesperson for the congresswoman later clarified:

"There's no doubt the Republican Party has gone through some dark and challenging times in recent years, but thankfully bright young leaders have stepped up to lead the party into the future and she hopes to be a part of it. That was the intent of her comments -- nothing more and nothing less. Congresswoman Jenkins apologizes for her choice of words."

Yeah, hopefully some bright young people will chase away those scary darks! Seriously, are we even pretending we're not being racist anymore?

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This NPR interview with Michael Steele, head of the GOP and the Republican party, is illuminating in several ways. Not just in the many contradictions Steele is caught in, no. Instead, when Steele doesn't know what the word 'nuanced' means. Gee, that's telling.

NPR | Steele: Don't Raid Medicare To Fund Health Care Changes

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Leave it to a Republican senator to encourage people calling themselves 'right-wing terrorists'. Smooth move.

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Haha, seriously? Like, seriously seriously?

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So your cat didn't want a massage. Maybe you can degrade your dog instead!

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Absolutely spot-on.

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Ma'am, real sorry your husband is dying, but the government isn't the answer. Instead, my office will help you, despite that my office is part of the government. Or, how about, your neighbors give you money to help you! It's just like if their taxes went to health care to help you, but without the word 'government' involved. Sorry you're crying!

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Holy crap, this video is awesome. Courtesy of the good people at 'Everything Is Terrible'.

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Oh Arizona, you delightful scamp. First you let guys with assault rifles hang out near the President, and now you do some hard-hitting reporting on the issues facing our teenagers.

PHOENIX -- Experts have an alert for parents as the school year begins: there are brand new ways kids are taking and hiding drugs.

"Drug use typically triples between 6th grade and 8th grade," according to Stephanie Siete of Community Bridges, a Valley substance abuse, treatment and detox center.

From her own collection she reveals the hiding spots for drugs, including water bottles and energy drinks that twist open to reveal a hidden compartment for storage.

But she said the latest trends include "snorting vodka shots."

More graphic yet, she said teens are doing anal beer bongs and soaking tampons in vodka.

"It's quicker absorption, it's hidden and it's new," said Siete, "For females, they're damaging their reproductive system."

But that's not all.

If you think your kid is studying, she said look closer at his or her highlighter.

It too, can pull open and become a pipe.

Lipstick cases can work the same way.

Then, there are pocket shots, filled with alcohol, not to mention the energy drinks.

"In case you don't have time to drink the big can, you can take a shot of your high doses of caffeine," Siete said.

She said if your 12-year-old is drinking that much caffeine, it begs the question what will they be doing at 15?

That's why she said it's so important for parents to intervene.

"It's hard to recognize," Siete said. "A lot of drug use looks like the everyday common cold, allergies, watery eyes, tired, who isn't tired?"

Siete said many kids are learning how to use drugs on sites like YouTube.

If you're a parent or a child wanting to learn more about how to spot drug use, Community Bridges offers free classes.

Awesome work, Arizona. You made me actually check to see if it was April 1st.

ABC 15 in Phoenix: 'Drug Trends: Find Out Where Your Kids Could Be Hiding Them'

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Now, I've been a rhythm game fan for a long time. I had Parappa back in '97. I had Guitaroo Man before it was re-released. I even have the smug nerd satisfaction of having preordered Guitar Hero back before anyone knew about it, and before it became the cultural force that it is today. That said, I've spent the last couple years defending and apologizing for the current Guitar Hero games.

Rock Band is easily the better product. When the creators of Guitar Hero 1 and 2 split up, the more awesome group founded Harmonix/Rock Band and the more money-oriented group stayed with Guitar Hero. While this sounds strange, I promise, it's not. The Rock Band guys are all actual musicians with a passion for music and performance. The Guitar Hero guys are more focused on making money, as evidenced by the shovelware games like Rocks The 80's, Smash Hits and even Guitar Hero: Aerosmith to some extent. I've loved both series, and owned every game from both franchise up until recently (I didn't buy Smash Hits or Guitar Hero: Metallica). And now, I'm not sure how I feel about Guitar Hero on the whole.

So the Guitar Hero franchise has had a history of adding digital versions of musicians into their games. The last game had Zakk Wylde, Ozzy Osbourne, Billy Corgan, Travis Barker, Hayley Williams, Sting, Ted Nudget and Jimi Hendrix himself. The new game was shaping up to have a similar roster, with Johnny Cash (to appeal to Yanks) and Matt Bellamy (to appeal to Brits).

Well, there's another addition to the roster this time around.


Kurt Cobain, frontman of Nirvana.

Now, anyone with even a passing knowledge of the grunge music movement knows why this is a problem.

Kurt Cobain killed himself on April 5th, 1994, because he hated his own celebrity and how he was becoming a marketing tool.

This isn't the first time Activision and the Guitar Hero series has flirted with disaster. The Guitar Hero series has a recent trend of doing borderline disrespectful stuff with dead musicians. Last year they defaced the Jimi Hendrix memorial with stickers, and then quickly removed it and buried the story when musicians and fans started to complain. This year, in an attempt to be even more ironic and awful, they've resurrected Kurt Cobain to shill for a video game.

You can almost taste how unfortunate this is. I have no problem with putting musicians into the games their music is featured in; it's a fun detail that adds to immersion in most cases. But Kurt? Seriously?

(Currently rolling, ROLLING in his grave.)

I don't know who currently holds the rights to Kurt's image, but whoever it is must have a deep seeded hatred towards Cobain and everything he believed. The image of a computerized Kurt, mockingly mouthing his old lyrics, is both in poor taste and poor judgment. Guitar Hero: World Tour was a landmark in shameless marketing and advertising, with gamers playing in front of giant advertisements for current movies, AT&T and KFC chicken among others. The notion of this happening with Cobain... well, it's offensive. It's a middle finger to a person so mentally distraught they killed themselves over celebrity. It's crass, and clearly commercial, and disturbing. The fact that the one song they secured from Nirvana is 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' only adds to the image. Here's a guy who killed himself over celebrity, recreated digitally singing his biggest hit for you!

Poor taste, to say the least.

I guess part of the problem is this -- video games are struggling for legitimacy. Gamers want games to be accepted as a legitimate medium for communication, and for the most part, games are moving into the mainstream. What this means, unfortunately, is that games will start to follow the same trajectory as any other media, where there are no boundaries or respectful borders. A digital Kurt is just the first step in this.

It's awful, and it's seemingly part of the system. Respect, even for the wishes of the dead, seems to come by the wayside in lieu of profits. Even after Kurt first died, his wife Courtney Love still published his private diaries, which he explicitly said he never wanted published. But it would make money, and so published they were. I wonder how she will feel when videos start to hit the internet of the unlockable Kurt playing songs like No Doubt's 'Ex-Girlfriend' in front of a giant ad for AT&T. The whole thing becomes especially egregious when you notice the tasteful way The Beatles have been handled by Harmonix in The Beatles: Rock Band.

I guess the sad bottom line is this. Thanks to digital magic, generations from now, kids will still be able to see a digital Kurt Cobain, empty eyed and perpetually 27, sadly mouthing the lyrics to the most popular songs of 2009. Some of them won't know who Cobain was, or what he stood for, but will instead recognize him as 'that guy from Guitar Hero'. And there's something incredibly wrong about that.

[As a fun side game, take a look at what gamers, the targeted demographic, are saying about this.]

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Now, I'm a food buff. I love food. I love eating food. I love thinking about eating food. That said, this might be the food-pocalypse. The food Event Horizon from which we are never able to turn back. When scientists look back on humanity's tipping point, it will be this moment.

The moment of the 'Double Down' from KFC.



Did you want a sandwich? How about a sandwich where there is no bread, but is instead giant hunks of chicken with some condiments, cheese and bacon in the middle. This is either the greatest culinary invention since using a fire to cook stuff, or it's the beginning of the end.

I'm so excited.

I'm so scared.

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You know what? This fills a need. I've always though, if we could somehow combine fat butts and Monarch butterflies, we'd be getting somewhere.

Well, me, looks like you/us/I are in luck! Straight outta the Midwest comes the next major trend in fashion: Winker jeans. Jeans that make your butt cheeks look like they're winking.

Investors, let's get together. $8m and we can make this big.

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I liked him better when he was talking about how much we needed health care reform. About a year ago.

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Let's talk for a minute about health care. Let's forget all the spin from talking heads and the corporately funded idiots saying whatever their masters want this week. Let's flat out talk about health care.

Simple question to start:

Do you think everyone has a right to be healthy?

If you answer 'No' to this, I guess we can stop here. If you don't think so, though, you're flying in the face of everything America is built on. Like the Declaration of Independence, which declares that we all deserve life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (which I'm pretty sure means not being penalized for being sick).

So you think everyone has a right to be healthy. So why are we shooting down health care reform? First, it's not getting rid of the current system. At all. The current system is not going anywhere. If you love your insurance, you can keep it.

Literally, all a public option would do is making sure people who can't afford insurance have some way to be taken care of if they get sick.

Do you disagree with this? Think that not everyone should be able to be treated if they're sick? Again, go reread the Declaration of Independence, which we hold to be so dear.

Maybe you don't think a private option is the best way to do it. Well, keep your old insurance, you don't even have to worry about it. But let people who can't afford anything better have some way to not die.

If you're against health care reform, you're selfish. Simple as that. If you can honestly look at poor people and say, you shouldn't be healthy, you're not only selfish, you're a monster. Reforms won't change anything if you don't want to join in, but people are fighting it tooth and nail. Why are you fighting something that wouldn't affect you and that you would never have to deal with? Honestly!

When my family almost had to declare bankruptcy after my dad died of cancer, should we have been punished? Or can you maybe concede that people's lives shouldn't be ruined because someone gets sick from something they can't control.

Don't give me this uneducated 'death panel' crap. Your current health insurance is more corrupt and evil than any death panel. A group of people who arbitrarily decide who should live or die based on profits? THAT'S THE VERY DEFINITION OF AN INSURANCE COMPANY.

If you don't support health care reform, do me a favor. I challenge you to go out on your own and find your own independent insurance. Go either uninsured, or with personal insurance, for six months. Come back and tell me if it's reasonable, or compassionate, or even half good. You can't, because you're cowards more concerned about yourself than if, say, a poor kid will die as a result of not having health care.

Don't give me that FOX News crap. Health care should not even be a political issue.

People get sick. People deserve to get better without losing everything they have.

I seem to recall some guy who would heal sick people for free when they were ill, and who didn't expect money in return. What was that guy's name again? Oh, right. Jesus.

If you don't think sick people should have the option of being healed again without giving up everything they have, you stand against Jesus Christ. And Muhammad. And Buddha. And basic human dignity.

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We can put a man on the moon and elect a black President, but we can't figure out that shouting 'Heil Hitler' at Jewish people is offensive?


I don't care where you come down on health care. This is wrong.

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For Sarah!

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So while out and about, I came across Dan's Guitar Repair.


So I thought I'd check it out! I needed a set-up on my Epiphone SG, so I thought I'd put this guy to the test. Besides, he was incredibly reasonable about prices; he said he'd adjust my truss rod for $5 and a complete set-up (with recapping, sanding, bridge and pick-up adjustment, and strings!) would be $60. Needless to say, that's pretty dang cheap, so I jumped all over it.

Dan's shop is about three minutes from my house, and is a little hole-in-the-wall by a taco stand. The shop is small, relatively well stocked for a shop it's size, and very welcoming. Dan himself is a cool guy with a wicked cool forearm tattoo; he's probably in his late 40's, and he's a pretty cool guy. He was really nice about welcoming me into his shop, gave me a very quick run-down on what my guitar could use (which I already knew) and offered to fix me up.

I'll head back next week to pick up the guitar and I'll let you know how the set-up was. He said he'd guarantee it, and I could have little tweaks made to get it right for me. Should be awesome; he seemed to know what's goin' on.

Dan's Guitar Repair

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It's easy to see why she won. Powerful, beautiful stuff.

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So I promised a write-up about the move and my first week here in St. George. Lucky you, I actually did it! Actually, I have an awful cold, and I'm laying in bed watching 'Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman'. I just watched some episode that Al from 'Quantum Leap' was in, but he wasn't Al, he was an evil newspaper magnate! Ooh!

Anyway, so I've been down here a week now. First thing's first -- boxing up your belongings is awful. When people think about moving, it's natural tendency to downplay how much stuff you actually own. Heaven knows I did. The truth is, you own way more stuff than you think you own. Even now, having unpacked all my stuff, I look at it and go 'Yeah, that's not that much'. Which is wrong. It took about 25 boxes, and I only ended up being able to move half my stuff. The rest is still back at the old house waiting to be sorted through, but I don't have the sheer willpower to do it.

We arrived down here Saturday night of last week with some basic stuff -- food for the kitchen, a couple changes of clothes, our computers, etc. The first thing we realized after walking in is that the place is much bigger than we had remembered. I mean, we remembered it was pretty generously sized, but it's even more awesome than we had thought. Here's the first picture I took in the new house. Looks kinda drab, I know.


Sunday was a wash overall. The fact that I can't remember exactly what we did on Sunday is a testament to not only how tired we were from having boxed and helped move stuff the day before. Sunday night we stayed in a hotel; I had slept in a hotel Saturday night while the rest of my family stayed at my mom's bosses house. I ended up in a hotel because her boss had dogs which were all over the house, and there's no way I can sleep in a bed covered with dog hair. I would have choked to death in the night.

Our stuff arrived Monday. I had set up my work station at my mom's office, because we weren't going to have the internet here at the house until Tuesday night (which ended up being Wednesday, but more on that later). Working in an office temporarily was pretty decent. I did that Monday and Tuesday of this last week, with the goal of having Wednesday be the first day I actually worked from home.

That unfortunately didn't work out. Qwest had messed up our internet, so Tuesday night, the internet wasn't working like it was supposed to. No big deal, right? I'll just go back to Kathy's office to work! Unfortunately, Wednesday morning, their internet was out. For the whole day. I couldn't/wouldn't call in to work, so I instead worked from the guest house of one of Kathy's coworkers. I spent a decent amount of my time sitting on his toilet working, because the bathroom was the coolest room in the house and the only place with enough counter space to set up a rudimentary work station.

Thankfully, everything sorted out be Wednesday. We had been unpacking since Monday, and I was the first one to have my room completely done. I got my work station set up, and all my stuff, so I'm good to go. We're actually going to take this weekend as a rest point to just enjoy not having anything to do. It should be nice.

I had promised a couple of you I'd take pictures of the house to show you where I'm at now. I took these this morning on my cell phone; I'll attach little notes where appropriate.


Above is a picture from the entryway of the house, and the first thing you see when you enter. Off to the right is the laundry room, a bathroom and Kira's room. Straight through is the backyard and Kathy's room.


The back yard isn't huge, but it's about right for what we'll use it for. There's a neato rock fountain that bubbles cool, clear water at the flick of a switch. We don't turn it on, though, because thus far it's been a magnet for desert cockroaches. Something none of us knew (or really realized) is that cockroaches are really common down here in the desert. This is a problem because we're all A) clean freaks and B) grossed out by bugs. We've had an exterminator coming and spraying, as he'll do regularly now, which will get rid of them (and their friends the hobo spider and the fire ant, who are also pretty common). We've never seen one in the house, and we did a pretty thorough clean, so that's at least something.


Also on the main level is the kitchen/dining room, which is right off the garage. Our kitchen was a pretty common 'staging area' in the last house, so it's good that this one is bigger. We tend to hang out in kitchens a lot.


Upstairs, there's a big family room, which we've already set up. Off of this there are two bedrooms: one for my little brother and one for a guy named Cameron who works with my mom and sister and who is renting a room from us. He's my age, and he's pretty nice (if not somewhat naive and impressionable). We'll break his fragile spirit yet. Off of the family room is my bathroom:


Well, I shouldn't say mine in that I have to share it with Cameron. For the record, that guy takes a million years getting up in the morning and showering. Now for the main stuff: my bedroom!


So for the record, my room is about twice the size of the one I used to be in. Now that I'm working from home, I needed a little more space, so I got this. It's giant (compared to my old one).

Hey look, it's my workstation! It's right in the corner, unobtrusively, hanging out on this cool Ikea peanut-shaped desk I bought. As you can sorta see, my little blue robot made the transition from Nutshell, as well as a pile of my books.


Also, my massive movie collection survived. That's just my feature films; my DVDs are on the other side, and take up the same amount of space.

So that's the house in a nutshell, no pun intended. For easy convenience, I've made a list of Pros and Cons about moving down here.

PROS:

• It's always sunny in St. George-adelphia. No, seriously, though. Every day is this wonderful sunshine festival. There's never a cloud in the sky.

• It's damn near Stepford-ian up in here. Everyone's preternaturally happy. Literally, I have never had better service in restaurants, or passing people on the street, or anything. Everyone is like, freakishly nice. It's unsettling, and completely disarming, and wonderful.

• The house is really nice. I feel guilty living in it.

• Working from home has been and will continue to be awesome, mainly because I can telecommute in my underwear and nobody's the wiser.

• Unbelievable Mexican food. For some reason, every third restaurant here is Mexican food, and it's all been delicious thus far. Heck, we could open this up to just...

• Food. In-N-Out, Jack In The Box, as well as most of the stuff I liked up in the Valley. The only thing I'll miss is A) Chicken Express, B) Curry In A Hurry, C) East Coast Subs and D) The Amber. Other than that, I'm set, food-wise.
  

CONS:

• Somewhere in the move, all my pillows got lost, so I had to get new ones. That's nice and all, but I loved my own pillows. I had a head groove going. Now I have to start all over again. I guess I should be grateful I even have pillows, but come on, those things were ultra comfy.

• The bugs. Oy vey, the bugs. Cockroaches, fire ants and hobo spiders are all outside my back door. They're everywhere. They all need to die.

• I don't know anybody. That sucks.

• There's not much to do. I'm sure there is, if I were the outdoorsy type, but as the 'allergetic, almost dies when venturing outside' type, there's not much for me.

Like anything, this might take getting used to. I will admit, though, that St. George is already growing on me. It's kinda nice living here, where every view is a scenic one of the rocky desert, and it's always warm and sunny. I can see why old people come here to die.

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Sometimes I do stupid things based on anger. And one thing that never fails to make me angry are stupid tattoo shirts worn by muscular douchebags.

"Hey, I paid $80 for this shirt! Did I mention that it TOTALLY MAKES MY GUNS LOOK HUGE, BRA?"

Why pay $80 to say the same thing that this shirt can for under $20?

Boys/Girls | Gun Showing Sleeveless

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Call me crazy, but isn't there something morbid about a funeral home that is now serving families?

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They got me a goodbye cake! And a card that plays a High School Musical song!

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Well hey, gang. So it looks like The Big Move is coming right up, huh. Took us by surprise as well. Turns out planning a move by the seat of your pants is harder than it looks. Shocking, I know. A couple quick moving tips:

• Plan the move more than two weeks in advance, even if it's a move emergency, like this one is supposed to be.
  
  
• Get some cardboard boxes in advance.
  
  
• The idea 'I'll do it later' is stupid, and you're a big, dumb, stupid-head for even thinking that.

At any rate, now we're packing today and packing/loading all day tomorrow in order to move this stuff down on Saturday. What I'm saying is this -- if you're going to miss your old pal Austin, and you want a chance to say 'goodbye for now', you could probably come help us pack our boxes tonight. If you want more information, call or text me, but I'm sure the extra help would be appreciated. I completely understand if nobody takes me up on this; it's total last minute, and I won't hold it against you. But people who do manage to make it out will receive warm hospitality and a mustache.

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Steampunk is, seemingly, the subgenre that nerds love to hate. It gets hell from cyberpunk fans for being 'not sci-fi enough'. It gets crap from mainstream nerds because the idea of high technology and Victorian society seems dumb. Personally, I'm a big fan. I love goggles, and long coats, and impractical weapons and technology.

I also love '1884: Yesterday's Tomorrow'. Created by Tim Ollive and backed by Terry Gilliam, it's part serial, sci-fi, steampunk and spy. It's also very engrossing.

Check out the trailer, which is at this point more 'proof of concept' than anything else.

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Spencer, this one's for you.


More Téléfrancais! can be found here, for the morbid and curious.

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It's leaked, so watch it while it's hot. Please don't report it on YouTube, just enjoy.

Edit 8/2: Looks like the videos got pulled. Hope you liked it while it lasted.

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