God bless those 9/12 teabaggers, because nobody else will.

So this video has been making the rounds on the internet. Taken at a 9/12 tea party, the screaming white man is denouncing the evil strawman ACORN with all of his righteous white fury. The problem?

The mother and two kids he's screaming at aren't with ACORN. They are black people, however, and that's the same thing, right? When interviewed, the old racist said that he had 'heard someone say' they were from ACORN, which is proof enough for him to spend nine minutes screaming at them.

The mother and kids, who are there selling 'Don't Tread On Me' 9/12 posters (?!), are obviously those scumbag ACORN monsters! Good to see an old white person sticking it to those young black people for something they're not involved with. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like ACORN is the new way to say the 'n-word' without actually saying it. Because ACORN, whose reputation is ruined and funding cut off because THREE EMPLOYEES acted inappropriate (but not really), is full of those darn uppity black people! Black people, ruining our... uhh... conservative America!



Speaking of, why is it that an organization that helps the underprivileged and minorities is such a scary thing? With all the accusations flying around, 99% of which turned out to be untrue, why such a fear over a bunch of people helping the poor and minorities?

And why, federal government, did we cut their funding because of the 'pimp and ho' thing. Three people acted inappropriately (one of which who REPORTED IT TO THE POLICE BECAUSE HE SAID IT WAS SUSPICIOUS), and we cut all of their funding forever. Why, if we cut funding for a whole group because of the actions of a few, the affair-having, gay romping, pedophile, embezzling, deviant, racist, fear-mongering elected officials would all be out of a job.

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My unquenchable thirst for Lego continues. Today I'm finding I made an awful mistake in giving up the hobby, though.

So my little brother Andre loves Lego and, specifically, Lego Batman. He loved the game, and now he wants the sets. When I took to the internet, though, it's a little more grim. Turns out since all the sets are old now, they're all like $100+. Holy crap. He said he'd settle for just the mini-figs, but even those are like $10+ each now.

Point is, I totally should have bought those sets while they were coming out. Hurf durf.

(Looks like this'll be... Robin... me of my next few paychecks. Hahaha nevermind.)

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A little over two months after Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) gave an interview implying that US Census data might be used to create a 'Republican concentration camp'...

WASHINGTON – A U.S. Census worker found hanging from a tree near a Kentucky cemetery had the word "fed" scrawled on his chest, a law enforcement official said Wednesday, and the FBI is investigating whether he was a victim of anti-government sentiment.

The law enforcement official, who was not authorized to discuss the case and requested anonymity, did not say what type of instrument was used to write the word on the chest of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and teacher. He was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky.

Gee, a representative of the Republican party makes an insane proclamation that the census might hurt Republicans, and suddenly a census worker is found hanging from a tree with the word 'Fed' written on his chest. What's worse?

He was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky.

He was murdered on the Republican's stupid Tea Party Day!


Look, media pundits on the right can claim that the GOP's rhetoric of fear and hate isn't hurting anyone, and that right-wing extremism is 'patriotic', but look what happens. Some mouth-breathing moron from the back hills of Kentucky kills a census taker who, ironically, is the person responsible for determining if a population should have MORE REPRESENTATION IN NATIONAL DEBATES.

It's disgusting, and it's a continuing trend. First the Flores thing. Then George Tiller, something so disturbing that even Glenn Beck had to tell Republicans to stop killing people. Now Bill Sparkman. There's something supremely disgusting and very disturbing when people think this is something to be proud of:


Yahoo News | Census Worker Hanged With 'Fed' On Body

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So I bought a Lego set today.

I haven't bought a Lego set in two, three years. A couple years ago I received a couple sets, which I half-heartedly built, but I haven't actually bought one that I intended to put together in a long time.

So over the weekend, we went up to our other house and brought back some more of our stuff. On my list of stuff to bring down was my collection of Lego. I have about eight bins filled with pieces of various colors, and I thought they'd be something fun for my little brother to play with. Well, in the process, I found my bin with my mini-figures in it, and all of a sudden I remembered what was so fun about them.

I started going through my mini-figure bin and saw a few half completed figures. This cannot stand, I said to myself, and set about to complete them. I soon realized I didn't have the appropriate decals, so I ordered some from Jared. Just enough to get by, you see...

But then I realized, I wanted more superhero figures. So I searched Brickshelf to see what other people had done. I stumbled on some really expensive mini-figs (which I'd like, but I can't justify paying for), and I also stumbled on this...


It was divine intervention. Some larger cosmic force at work. A giant Lego robot that stomps on little pedestrians and has to be taken down? Why, that would compliment my superheroes...

So I added it to my cart. Then, in the cruelest thing ever, the Lego website reminded me that I was just a few dollars short of free shipping. I'm a frugal man; I am also relatively good at sniffing out deals. I was like $15 short of free shipping, and shipping was going to be like $20... so I bought more sets. It makes good financial sense!

I now have several superhero decals and four Lego sets being delivered to my house. It's sorta like a drug addict suddenly getting a whiff of smoke and getting a bad craving; in this metaphor, I'm the druggie who decides to take 'just one more hit, for old time's sake'.

Pray for me.

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So Scott, my pal, provides a valuable community service. He posts exciting and important news, as it breaks! Such as:

This Just In - In an attempt to boost business this year, retail super-giant Walmart renames 'Black Friday' to 'Peoples of All Races Friday'

This Just In - Homeless take to the streets in protest of living conditions - no one notices

This Just In - Jesus Refuses 'Second Coming' - Christians Seek Extradition

Scott is sorta like The Onion, only I know him, and he has nominally better tee-shirt ideas. All he does is sit around and think of sarcastic things while pretending to work, so you know his wit has been razor-sharpened with time. You should probably add his Twitter so you can read breaking news. Sit on it, ABCNBCCBSCNNFOX!

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Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

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Katie Couric, master of the Autotune and also a very good news anchor, started her own online news segment @KatieCouric, much like a personal favorite of mine, the misunderstood BriTunes segment from Brian Williams. In Couric's segment, she interviews Glenn Beck, who has something interesting to say...


Fascinating! In Beck's own words, "How about this? I think John McCain would have been worse for this country than Barack Obama. How's that?"

So let's follow the logic. If Beck has thought that McCain was worse than Obama, then logically Beck voted for Obama in the election last year, right? But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he didn't vote for Obama. After all, Beck can't say a single nice thing about Obama, and has even compared him unfavorably to Hitler!

Bottom line is this: did Glenn Beck vote for Obama, and thus alienate a gigantic percentage of Beck's own supporters, or did Beck vote for McCain, despite that he thinks it would have been bad for the country. One way he abandons the mouth-breathing masses; the other he betrays his country for the sake of partisan politics. Nicely done, Glenn.

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I was asked to put up a picture of the dog. I tried to get a better picture, but curiosity was too much for Milo and he wouldn't stay away from the camera.

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Who needs government intervention? Obama's health care plan is socialism! Why, there's no socialist programs in America...

This morning I was awakened by my alarm clock which is powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water which is provided by my municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of food inspected by the US Department of Agriculture and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the US Food and Drug Administration.

I saw my son off as he boarded the bus that takes him to the public school, and then I gathered my mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I got into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation. On my way to work, I stopped to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, I drove my NHTSA-approved car back home on the DOT roads. I returned to my house which had not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshall's inspection, and which has also not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

We had dinner - where myself and my family once again consumed food deemed safe by the USDA - with my grandparents who in no way would be able to afford their medications and would likely not still be with us without the assistance of the Medicare program.

After dinner my son played with his toys. One of his toys he no longer has because I was able to dispose of it in a timely manner after the US Consumer Product Safety Commission alerted me that the toy was defective and deemed dangerous as it posed a serious cutting hazard. After playtime, I put my son to bed while reading him a book I was able to check out for no charge from the public library.

All of the day's events were possible in part because of the the national security that's afforded me by the branches of the United States Armed Forces.

Then, as the day neared its conclusion, I logged on to the internet (which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration) so I could post on the FreeRepublic forums and the FoxNation forums how outraged I was that SOCIALISM and government-run programs are DESTROYING AMERICA.

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Well this is... unexpected...

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You would think this commercial was fake, but I promise you, it's not.

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I'm all for keeping our armed forces strong, but seriously, I think we need to look at where our money is going...

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Give me five minutes to talk to you honestly about public health care.


Yesterday I had the pleasure of talking with an old college friend of mine. We were in several of the same classes in our major, so when I got an e-mail asking about a couple details relating to my senior thesis, I was more than happy to answer. Our discussion changed to how each of us was doing, but her answer surprised me. It seems that she's been pretty active in health care reform. Not as a participant, or protester/supporter, but instead as a case study.

My friend, S, was born into a low to middle income family. They made enough that they were above poverty (and just outside of the reach of government help), but not enough to be considered 'well off' or 'secure'. When S was born, she was diagnosed with a moderate form of cerebral palsy. When she was younger, she received some assistance from the government and other groups, but as she got older and became of legal age, the assistance left.

S's problem is this -- she overcame a good portion of her cerebral palsy. She learned to walk when they said she wouldn't. She learned to function on her own, even though she still has trouble navigating stairs. But her real problem is this: it's expensive to be born with CP. Now that she's on her own and trying to get insurance, no company will cover her because of her condition. The ones that will want to charge her triple what they charge her sister a year older than her.

Let me ask you this. Is it fair to have to pay triple to receive the same coverage someone else does?

Should you be punished for being born with something beyond anyone's control?

The answer is no. Jesus would have said no, S would say no and any human being with an ounce of compassion would say no. So why are we fighting a public option for health care?

The main reason is money. Opponents say that it will drive the country into economic debt and ruin the futures of our children. Except that during President Obama's speech a few days ago, he said he wouldn't sign a bill that would increase the deficit. So what's the problem now? Some people will say abortions, which Obama also said he didn't want more of; I mean, nobody will defend that we should be having more abortions. Some people point to the death panels, which were incorrect when Sarah Palin said it the first time, and are still incorrect. Or illegal immigrants receiving health care, which is also wrong. If you believe either of these things, please, I encourage you to actually read the bill, because you'll find no trace of either.

The other reason people oppose health care is fear. Fear for their own prosperity, and how it might affect them or their taxes. Even when these fears aren't grounded, they're played to by special interests until even the ridiculous sounds reasonable. But there's no reason to be afraid. There's no reason why we should be concerned about the government ruining us, or ruining health care. Our government has been running health care for years: health care for our troops and health care for our seniors. The health care our military receives is some of the best in the world; why can't we expand it to cover all Americans? The problem is that this expansion threatens the profits of large corporations, who would prefer to make money rather than see everyone in America taken care of. This is fundamentally wrong.

Corporations don't have a family. Corporations don't have a hard time walking up and down stairs. But people do. And why we're taking the focus away from people is beyond me. The health care debate isn't about people anymore; it's become about buzz words and groundless fears. The way S explains her situation, she is one bad accident away from permanent debt. Should she slip on a piece of paper while walking up the stairs, she could fall, roll down the stairs and break several of her fragile bones. She'd have to stop going to school and work in order to recover, and since she has no insurance, she'd have to pay for the procedures out of pocket. Why? Because she can't afford the insurance to help cover her.

People shouldn't ruin their lives because they slip on a piece of paper and fall down the stairs. People need health care. I don't care how venomously you are against it, but people with preexisting conditions which they can't control deserve cheap health care like the rest of us. Did you know, for instance, that survivors of domestic abuse can be turned down for insurance because it's considered a 'preexisting condition'? God forbid, if your sister or mother were the victim of domestic abuse, is it fair for them to be turned down for insurance because someone they trusted abused them? Of course not.

We have an unprecedented opportunity now to provide health care to people too poor to afford it without damaging our country or even making big sacrifices. It's foolish and negligent to let this opportunity slip by us.

Please, support health care and a public option. If you don't like the specifics, that's fine. Vote for the bill and get it into play, and then campaign for changes to be made. But to throw away the entire bill because you have small issues with it is silly. You wouldn't throw away your favorite shirt if it started to fade in color or had a small hole in it.

Please. We need a public option, and we need it now.

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Because nothing says class like:

A) A meaningless buzzword generated to scare the ignorant and...

B) Tastelessly invoking the death of a legislator who dedicated his life to helping the poor in an attempt to screw over the poor.

Seriously, Kennedy did more in his lifetime to help his fellow man than ANY of these ignorant protesters. He helped pass the Americans With Disabilities Act to help give disabled people manage better in their daily lives. He helped pass the flawed but well intentioned No Child Left Behind Act, having recognized that even though the bill had flaws, he wanted to help bring attention to educational standards. He helped create the CHIP program to give low cost insurance to children of low income parents.

The sign is a spit in his face and the work he did to help his fellow man. Very, very classy.

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During the final weeks of his administration, Bush stated that it was unfair to discuss his presidency as ultimately, 'history will be [his] judge'. Well, historians have already started to write, and it's sorta grim.

"So the summary page on the economic experience of average Americans under the past two presidents would look like this:

Under Clinton, the median income increased 14 per cent. Under Bush it declined 4.2 per cent.

Under Clinton the total number of Americans in poverty declined 16.9 per cent; under Bush it increased 26.1 per cent.

Under Clinton the number of children in poverty declined 24.2 per cent; under Bush it increased by 21.4 per cent.

Under Clinton, the number of Americans without health insurance, remained essentially even (down six-tenths of one per cent); under Bush it increased by 20.6 per cent.

Adding Ronald Reagan's record to the comparison fills in the picture from another angle.

Under Reagan, the median income grew, in contrast to both Bush the younger and Bush the elder. (The median income declined 3.2 per cent during the elder Bush's single term.) When Reagan was done, the median income stood at $47, 614 (again in constant 2008 dollars), 8.1 per cent higher than when Jimmy Carter left office in 1980."

I'll be glad when one day we can get past this mythical version of Bush as a 'great President' that's being pushed by social conservatives. When Harper polled historians of every political persuasion, they found that 61% deemed him the "worst ever" President. When activists protested Bush, they were "un-American"; when activists protest Obama (who has, already, done a better job than Bush and who has now kept America safe from terrorist attacks longer than Bush did), they're patriots. Conservative America seems to be schizophrenic, which probably explains why Republicans are facing an unprecedented low approval rating as a whole.

History is judging, folks, and the picture ain't sunny for the last few years.

The Atlantic | Closing The Book On The Bush Legacy

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[Editor's Note: Cameron was recently referenced for the first time on my blog in this post. A little bird (my mom) told me that he took exception to being the guy 'who rents a room from us', so I figured I'd do what I do best...]

Welcome to the All-Star Tribute, in which we bring attention to the most exemplary people who live in my house but aren't directly related to me!


Click above to start your article-relevant music!
Of all the people who currently live in my house, few of them are as not related to me as Cameron. Cameron, known to friends and family as Cameron, lives approximately twenty-five feet from my room, which is like 1000x cooler than his. When Kathy's business relocated to St. George, Cameron stuck with them like a rash on a newborn's butt. When we looked for houses in St. George, we had few qualifications, foremost among them that we needed a room for Cameron.

Naw, I'm just kidding. We didn't actually think about Cameron.

(Cameron didn't even need to make a silly face for this picture... that's how he looks all the time.)

Naw, I'm kidding again. Cameron's pretty alright, I guess.

Cameron's daily routine is, from what I can surmise, something similar to the following:

• Wake up approximately ten minutes before I do.
• Get into the shower approximately thirty seconds before I go to.
• Go to work?
• ???
• Drive his toaster around, honk his horn and proclaim himself to be a special boy.
• Eat dinner with us and try to get more second servings than I do.
• Awkwardly ask me if 'It's awesome'. The answer is always yes, because I'm awesome.

I'm actually kidding. I'm being too hard on Cameron. It's probably something related to envy; he's taller than me, so whenever someone needs a pickle jar from the tallest shelf in the kitchen or something, Cameron's the default person to talk to. He also seems to keep Kira entertained, which is more than I can say. Really, though, Cameron's pretty OK I guess. He definitely feels like he's part of the family, which is good, because I have deep-seeded, lingering issues with my family that will undoubted lead to decades of intensive psychotherapy.

Occasionally, when we play Rock Band, Cameron plays with us. He's still a beginner, so he plays on Easy. I encourage him to get better by calling him Martha Washington and doing a dance in front of him when I score more notes. This helps his self-esteem, because he sees how great I am, and it inspires him to be better too.

I'm also incredibly envious because Cameron somehow manages to have a better faux-hawk than I do. This is probably because he takes, like, a million years in the bathroom every morning. But that shows dedication, ladies, and that's what's important!

Most importantly, Cameron is single. I don't know why exactly, because he usually does the same sort of stuff I do, and I'm a pretty good catch. One of my favorite things about Cameron is that I can sometimes convince him to do things that aren't really good ideas, like buying that 'I Am T-Pain' application for his iPhone so we can play with the auto-tuner. Side note, it's awesome.

Another good fact is that Cameron's favorite movie is apparently 'Air Force One'. Don't ask me why; I don't know why either. A fun thing to do is to tell him to 'get off my plane', and then throw him out of the airlock. I also can't figure out why he likes 'Air Force One', since it's rated R, and I'm pretty sure Cameron's about as mild-mannered and good-natured as a piece of Wonderbread. Cameron's sorta like Clark Kent, minus the Superman, whereas I'm Batman, because we're both dark and handsome and spend a lot of time being creepy recluses on computers before beating up supervillains. For some reason, Cameron's mom thinks he's an innocent sweetheart, whereas I know that he appreciates 'That's What She Said' jokes just as much as the rest of us. He even sometimes says more offensive stuff in front of my mom than I do, and that's saying something.

So we here at About A Boy/Holy Crap It's Austin salute you, Cameron Terry. You're an inspiration to... uh...

[Update 19:31:00: Cameron has taken exception to this story, and insists I tell the truth -- apparently sometimes he plays on Medium on Rock Band.]

[Update 24:26:00: I should make it clear -- I don't hate Cameron, I promise.]

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Truly, pride doth come before the fall.

Last night, while writing the Ringo blog, Cameron (who rents a room from us) said that he was going to go find a late-night snow cone stand. I mentioned to him and Kira that if they found one, I wouldn't mind a Pina Colada one, or maybe a nice Tiger's Blood.

Anyway, they came back about thirty minutes later, and they didn't find a snow cone stand... instead, they bought gas station milkshakes.

Let that sit for a second. Milkshakes from a gas station. Does that seem like something a sensible person should eat?

If you already exercised better judgment than me and said, No, Austin, don't eat that gas station milkshake, you're smarter than I am. I ate that milkshake so hard.

Now I'm sitting at my desk, in sweatpants, feeling like I'm going to have a stroke and die. Cameron, who I just heard shuffling around, is home sick, having thrown up a couple times last night.

Truly, the folly of youth. If work's slow, I'm gonna go die or something. I am about, oh, 99% sure I won't be leaving the house to pick up my Beatles pre-order today.

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"Ringo isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles."
- John Lennon

Tomorrow, 9/9/09, marks what could easily be called the second Beatles Invasion. A few hours from now, stores will be flooded with the spectacularly remastered Beatles discography and The Beatles: Rock Band, which no less than the Grey Lady herself has described as possibly being "the most important video game yet made". Even Apple Corps. themselves had mentioned they'll have an important 'music-related' announcement tomorrow.

Anyway, in a sea of Beatles-related excitement, I thought it might be fun to tackle a Beatles related music topic, namely, Ringo. In a poll conducted last month by Rolling Stone Magazine, respondents were asked who was their favorite Beatle. As you can see, John predictably comes in first, and Ringo predictably comes in last.

In an interview in the mid 60's, Lennon was asked, "Is Ringo Starr the best drummer in the world?" His response lives on in infamy: "Ringo's not even the best drummer in the Beatles". While the comment may have been a typical Lennon sarcastic dismissal, the idea that Ringo is an awful drummer has prevailed since the band's earliest releases.

Ringo, of course, was the last member to enter the band, replacing Pete Best. When Best was fired from the band in 1962 (for reasons that nobody, including The Beatles, is really sure about), Ringo was the ready replacement. He had already gained a reputation as being 'the best drummer in Liverpool' while touring with Rory Storm and The Hurricanes, and had filled in for Best during a few sessions.

So why, then, is Ringo considered to be the 'worst Beatle'? For a guy recruited into the band, he couldn't have been that bad, right?

What I propose here is a defense of Ringo.

Ringo is not the best drummer in the world. Around the same time that Starr was plugging away in The Beatles, Keith Moon (arguably one of the best drummers of the 60's) was murdering drum kits with The Who. But Ringo wasn't competing for the title of 'best drummer', and therein lies the zen of Ringo Starr.

Ringo was the best drummer for The Beatles, period. Given all possible candidates for the position, Ringo was and is the perfect choice to provide rhythm for Lennon, McCartney and Harrison. The brilliance of Ringo, you see, is that he isn't flashy. Ringo was never one to give in to flashy excess and, when he did, it was like most of his drumming: classy and restrained. A perfect example of this is Ringo's drum solo in 'The End', which is less a solo and more a display of impeccable rhythm and timing.


When David Byrne was interviewed by himself (one of my favorite interviews) to promote 'Stop Making Sense', he describes director Jonathan Demme's best asset as that "he knew what not to do is what he did do". Nothing could sum up better Starr's drumming. Perfectly aware of his role in the band, Ringo provided perfect rhythm; nothing more and nothing less. Whereas other drummers of the period are prone to excessively fancy drumming and complex rhythms, Ringo always knew the right rhythm for any song. Because of this, it's nearly impossible to listen to certain Beatles tracks (such as 'Birthday') and imagine anyone else providing drums. Further, Ringo was the heart of the whimsical charm of The Beatles. Whereas Paul, John and George provided the most interesting music for the band, Ringo was the happy-go-lucky human element that seemingly kept the band grounded. This is, after all, the same band that let Ringo sing 'Yellow Submarine' a few tracks before 'Tomorrow Never Knows' and a couple after 'Eleanor Rigby'.

Ringo was and is good at what he does: provide the right rhythm reliably. Even his detractors must admit that he's a vital part of Beatles history, and that even at his most goofy, Ringo was great. 'I Want You (She's So Heavy)' wouldn't nearly be as powerful if it wasn't prefaced by the light-hearted and fun 'Octopus's Garden'. Who else could have lended the same credibility to 'With A Little Help From My Friends'? For heaven's sake, he made the matched grip popular with rock musicians, what more do you want from him?!

I salute you, Ringo Starr, for your dedication to smart and reliable drumming, as well as your impeccable restraint in the places where other drummers would have muddied up the tracks with overly long fills.

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So, in an act of wonderful compassion, my family bought a dog (what I think is a miniature dachshund), brought it home and just planned on waiting for me to notice the dog on my own.

Smooth, guys. Real smooth.

From what I've worked out, there are two possibilities:

1. My family thinks allergies are some wacky game I made up to explain why I breathe out of my mouth. This is the least likely of the two possibilities. My dad had bad allergies, and my mom always talked about how rough it was on him. I've got bad allergies, and I've gone to doctors about it before. I'm preeeeetty sure my family knows that allergies exist and are real. Which leads to the more depressing possibility that...

2. My family doesn't care that I'm allergic to dogs. Unfortunately, this is not only the most likely situation, but is (from what I can tell) completely accurate. My need to breathe is apparently secondary to Kira's need to have a dog in order to validate her. Yeah, we have a dog because, get ready, Kira 'felt lonely' in St. George. So, ignoring the fact that I'm pretty damn allergic to dogs, they bought one. It's kind of sad, actually, knowing that nobody you live with cares if you feel well or not.

(This is the closest picture I could find on the net of how Kira's dog looks. Isn't he cute, how he makes Austin congested and itchy all over?)

Let me tell you a fun factoid: since I've grown up with allergies, I can honestly say that I've never, not ever, had a 'clear' nose. There has never been a day in which my nose hasn't been stuffed up. As such, it's probably not the nose thing that's going to get me. I'll tell you what will, though...

So far, my family is insistent on putting the dog on the couch. Holding and petting the dog and then not washing their hands. Leaving the dog's toys (covered in his slobber) around the house.

I can honestly say I've never, ever been as itchy as I have been today. My eyes hurt. My skin feels like it's crawling. And why? Because Kira thinks a dog is somehow going to validate her life, or something stupid like that.

Realistically, I'm thinking of going back to my glasses. My eyes hurt enough that I don't know if I can keep contacts in them, with how frequently I'm rubbing them. What also sucks is that everyone keeps telling me how I feel.

"Oh, your eyes don't look red."

"Oh, there's no way you could have gotten stuffy that fast."

"Oh, it's not a big deal."

It's... kinda mean, actually. I was also told that if I want, I can keep a package of wet wipes, and I can disinfect everything (our leather couches, the door handles, etc.) before I use it. THANKS, GUYS, I ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING HOWARD HUGHES MINUS ALL THE MONEY!

To make it worse, she gave the dog a stupid name. Milo. Seriously, I feel like a tool even saying the dog's name. Sure, he's a cute puppy, and I'm sure I'm going to love watching him grow up while breathing through my mouth and squinting through red, puffy eyes.

I can't say that I'm mad at my family (well, I am, really). I'm more sad that none of them care that I was allergic to dogs. I've been living at home while I work to save money for graduate school, but honestly, I think I might need to start shopping around for apartments if it gets any worse.

[Note to my family: I know you're reading this. You guys suck.]

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I'd consider going to this place, if only to see if it was actually real, or just an amazing lie.

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So I have a dog problem.

As some of you may remember, my dog Oppie died about a year ago. Since then, Kathy and Kira have been in some sort of dog-related stupor, wandering around, talking about how much they want a puppy. Thankfully, this hasn't really been an issue.

Well, until recently.

Since we moved down to St. George, Kira has apparently been sneaking to a pet store two or three times a week, every week, since we moved down here. She sees the same stupid dog, over and over. They know her by name.

Worse, she's already named the dog. She bought it a collar. The guy at the store even told her he'd save the dog for her on some bizarre sort of layaway program for living creatures. By all accounts, we're getting a dog. This is a problem for me.

Number one, I'm wicked allergic to dogs. Nobody seems to care about this, strangely enough. Every time I bring it up, somebody says something stupid like, 'Well, _________ has allergies, and they are OK around dogs, so you'll be fine,' or, 'Oh, you're just being dramatic'. Kathy's terrible about this. It's absolutely terrible, because no matter what I say, nobody seems to care that I have a health issue. The other line of crap they drop is that there are hypoallergenic dogs, which is crap, and an absolute myth. There is no such thing as a great dog for people with allergies, just dogs that are supposedly better. But hell, that doesn't matter, since Kira's dog isn't even hypoallergenic. They're not even pretending like they care that I'm awfully allergic to dogs. I keep hearing, 'Well, you're fine in other people's houses with pets, so you'll be fine'. Yeah, that's sorta true, but it's different when THE DOG LIVES IN THE HOUSE I LIVE IN. And, since I work from home, I get to bask in the dog fur and skin particles all day. Thanks, considerate mom and sister!

Number two, I'm a clean guy. I don't like stuff all over, and a dog is essentially that. They say that they can train it, but come on. The dog will lick everything in existence, and get everything gross. Let's not even think about all the electrical cables we have around the house, and my expensive guitar collection which sits on stands on the floor, or the Xbox and DVDs which are right on eye level for dogs. Everyone seems to have taken idiot pills, and forgotten that having an animal wander around the house, supervised or otherwise, will lead to problems.

So it looks like Kira's going to be selfish and buy a dog to compensate for who knows what, and I'm going to end up suffering for it. I'm purposely living at home so I can save money for graduate school, but at this rate, it's almost like they want to get rid of me.

Thanks, guys.

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