Hmm.

A good, hearty 'hmm' is the best I can really muster at this point. Starting with last year's 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies', there seems to be an ongoing trend for lazy writers to use a very specific formula to make money. Since we're all friends here, I'll dispense this formula now:

Yes, uncreative, stupid writers! I have your number! By simply following this formula, you've given yourself a license to print money. Hackneyed, awful money.

So in the interest of money, I've decided that RIGHT NOW, I'm making a list of future properties. Here, on this day, March 8th, 2010, I claim that the following ideas are mine, and mine alone, and that I will sue the unoriginal, hackneyed author who uses this formula to produce any ideas similar to this.

Austin's Hot Idea List:

• Ghandi vs. The Werewolf -- When a werewolf stalks the Indian planes, it's up to one man to stop the slaughter and peacefully resist the British.
• Tom Sawyer vs. Jason -- American icon versus American icon; when young Tom Sawyer goes away to sleep-over camp at Crystal Lake, he has no idea what horrors are in store for him and his fellow campers...
• Shakespeare and the Witches -- What if all the Shakespeare stories involving witches turned out to be REA-- oh wait, I think someone already did this.
• Agatha Christie vs. the Space Was-- dangit!
• Oscar Wilde and His New Best Friend Frankenstein -- The delightful witticist, and the slow, green monsters. It's a buddy comedy for the ages!
• Helen Keller and The Invisible Man -- It's a love affair for the ages!

Seriously, though, you're all hacks. Come up with something original. That said, I'd totally read those last two.

[UPDATE: I'm being told the Oscar Wilde/Frankenstein comedy, tentatively titled 'Frankenstein Gone Wilde', is far better than it deserves to be. Tyler said he might draw the cover for the book, in which case I'll write a sample chapter.]

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